I remember the thrill of my first flights alone. The feeling of freedom; I could do anything I wanted to without having to ask anyone else’s opinion or approval. On the other side was fear that I might miss a flight or get lost or run into trouble and have nobody watching my back.
Since then I have been lucky to travel solo in 5 continents. On my most recent trips I’ve explored parts of Africa, Central and South America and Europe. Sharing adventures can be incredible but if there’s somewhere you want to explore there’s no need to wait for the right partner or friend or family member to find the right moment. If it’s right for you, do it! Traveling alone gives you the opportunity to believe and trust in yourself, experience freedom, explore, and make new friends around the globe.
When people ask “Who are you traveling with?” and I reply “Just myself,” I often get a surprised or concerned look. I’ve been asked multiple times how my parents allow me to do this. One dad told me he hoped his 8-year-old daughter would do the same when she grows up but that he already felt worried about the idea and wanted advice. I wish we lived in a world where there was no need for me to write this post. Unfortunately there are valid reasons for concerns. I don’t think there’s any point in denying that, as a woman traveling alone, the risk may be higher. When my parents call me concerned about where I am, I like to remind them that things happen everywhere. I don’t know that this is comforting but there is truth in it. Regardless I don’t think letting fear win is ever a solution.
Through my experiences I have developed some simple risk management strategies, which I want to share, in the hopes that they can help someone (and perhaps their parents too) feel more confident and safe to go out and chase their dreams. I like to feel like I have done what’s in my control and try not to worry about the rest because no matter where we are or what we do there will always be some things that are out of our control. Many of these tips are the same as what I do at home. The biggest difference is that as a traveler, you lack familiarity.
1. Do your homework and be an active learner
Before you arrive, spend some time learning about the culture and region you are visiting. In some places you will stand out as a tourist regardless of your best efforts (like when you are hauling your overweight backpack and looking lost) but you can reduce this effect by being culturally aware. For example, different places have different dress codes. In some regions of Asia or Africa I always wore pants or a long dress as this is the cultural norm. In contrast, in parts of Central America, I was fine wearing short shorts and a sports bra when going to the gym. Figuring this out will help you decide what to pack and make you a more culturally respectful guest.
Additionally every city or country has areas that are considered more dangerous than others. You’re probably familiar with this from your own home. Again, the biggest difference is that as a foreigner you don’t necessarily know which areas are which. Try to educate yourself so that you know what you’re walking into. This can help inform your decisions on where to book a hostel, etc.
If you don’t have time to research this stuff beforehand then just look around you when you arrive. It won’t take long to tell if you fit in to the culture and surroundings or not. If in doubt, strike up a conversation and ask. Most people will appreciate your interest and will be more than happy to teach you about their culture or help you navigate their home. You might make new friends this way as well!
2. Give yourself a launching pad
Everyone has their own traveling style. Some people like to have a step-by-step detailed plan before they leave their front door while others like to book tickets last minute and go with the flow. I am not a planner. When I first started traveling on my own my mom would wisely ask me to make plans. Sometimes I would regret them because I would meet someone to travel with or hear about something I wanted to see and I wouldn’t be able to do it because I had already committed to plans. The compromise, which works great for me, is to give myself a launching pad. I especially recommend joining a project if you are new to traveling by yourself.
When you get off of a long flight, it’s nice to know you have a bed and don’t have to rely on your drained mental power too much to navigate the next steps. The launching pad could be as simple as booking a hostel for a night or two, finding a friend or family member who can host you, signing up to WWOOF or starting your trip with a volunteer project or something similar. This also gives you a chance to learn the culture (tip #1) and get ideas on where to go and what to see next. If you are at a hostel or working on a project for a few weeks you are also likely to meet other travelers and can often tag along with them. Once you get your feet on the ground, the rest is a lot easier!
3. Learn the language
Don’t worry, you don’t need to be fluent; even a few words will help you connect, make friends and could keep yourself safe! If you’re looking for a conversation topic ask your taxi driver or the person on the bus next to you how to say “how are you?” in their language. Usually people love helping! I’ve also found that knowing how to say “No thank you” is often an effective method to ward off annoying sales people or pushy taxi drivers.
A friend of mine shared some stories of warding off thieves by swearing at them in their own language, and even preventing a possible rape scenario by pleading with the assailant (in Spanish) to think of their mother. Using someone’s language can surprise, disrupt the power balance, and get you down to a human level quickly.
4. Remember you’re only alone until you connect
Most people in the world are good and want to make friends. Talk! Talk to the person sitting next to you on the bus, the person in the line in front of you, your bunk-mate in your hostel. Getting to know local people will not only keep you safer but will also help you learn the culture and get the most you can out of the experience.
The world is a small place, and the connecting can even start before you arrive. This past year I got to meet some relatives I didn’t know existed thanks to a conversation my mom struck up with a cousin at a family reunion. My second cousin once removed and his family welcomed me to their home in Bogota and were the best hosts I could have ever imagined. They kept me safe and happy and showed me the culture and parts of Colombia I would have never found on my own. Other times I have connected to friends of friends in random locations. So start talking about your upcoming trip with others and reaching out to people you know who have traveled where you are going! You might be surprised at the connections you find and as you travel your network of people to visit will expand.
Once you arrive you can continue to connect! On my last trip to Colombia, I started talking to a friendly girl next to me on the bus from the airport to the city where I was staying. It turned out that she was a marine biologist so we immediately had things in common. She invited me to join her and her friends on a night out on the town where I got to practice my Spanish, learn about Colombia from a new perspective, and have fun dancing at the clubs. Even after she went home her friends made sure that I was safe. They offered to accompany me on the taxi home. I said I was okay so they ensured I got a good fair, took a photo of the license plate and had me text them when I arrived safely at my hostel.
Hostels are also great places to network. Although most people are foreigners, everyone is in the same boat and ready to connect. On my last trip I met a group of girls who were each traveling South America solo but would reunite every now and then at different hostels.
5. If in doubt follow the mamas
Sometimes knowing the right people to ask for directions or help can be tricky, especially when you don’t speak the language. During my time in Africa, I learned that when I felt lost I could usually count on mamas to help me find the way. I have often been moved by how they would take me under their wing and protect me by fending off sales people etc. In my experience mothers are usually trustworthy and I have since used this tactic often when I need guidance in a foreign land.
The following scenario in Cameroon comes to mind as an example. We were packed like sardines into the back of a small rickety bus and I was supposed to figure out the right stop to get off so that I could connect to another bus. The city of Douala was buzzing with traffic and people and everyone was shouting in French. I had struck up a conversation with a kind looking mama next to me and asked if she could tell me where to get off. At one of the stops a guy started telling me through the bus window that this was the spot where I needed to transfer buses (I think he actually wanted to sell me his expensive shuttle service). I was confused but the mama I had befriended firmly told me to stay put on the bus and started yelling at the guy for trying to mislead tourists. Pretty soon every mama on my bus chimed in and the guy quickly gave up his pitch and retreated looking ashamed after this scolding. The mamas were right and I made it safely to my final destination.
6. Leave a trail
This is the same principle that you hear about adhering to when you go on a hike in the wilderness alone - let someone know an outline of where you will be and when. My mom often asks me to forward her the name of the hostel where I will be staying. Although my family is my usual go to for checking in, there are times I rely on other people. I’ve been on a few dates (including tinder) while traveling. I don’t usually want to worry my parents so instead I tell my best friend the name, and number of the person I am meeting with and where we will be. My friend lives in NZ so I usually tell him that I will check in with him within a certain time period (24 hrs or less). If he doesn’t hear from me within that period he has a lead to know what I was doing and can call the police or whatever he sees fit to do. When it comes to dating, I adhere to the same rules I would at home, like picking a public place where I am comfortable, etc.
Other times I have let someone local know where I am going or what I am doing. The important thing is just that someone you trust has an idea of what you are up to in case you need help or something goes wrong.
7. Remember you don’t owe anyone
People are nosy and sometimes it’s none of their business. I always believe honesty is the best policy but also remember that your number one priority is yourself when you’re traveling alone. I am now more comfortable than I used to be with telling people I am solo, but if you’re not and someone is making you feel uncomfortable with questions about how old you are, if you’re alone, where you’re staying, etc. feel free to tell them it’s none of their business or make up something about meeting your family or your Kung Fu master boyfriend the next day (There’s actually a true story behind this one). Just make sure whatever your story is, you can make it sound believable. Some people won’t give up the pressure but remember you don’t owe anyone your life story or your number or time or anything else.
8. Follow your intuition
Traveling alone often restores my faith in the inherent good in humanity. There are countless times when I’ve put my trust and safety in the hands of a random stranger by jumping on a motorcycle taxi or following them somewhere. Later on I sometimes analyze my choices and wonder how I have been so lucky and if I should have been more careful. Sometimes you really don’t know the whole story so the best you can do is trust your gut.
When I have to make a quick decision to trust someone or not I try to take a moment to check in with myself and ask “Do I feel good about this persons intentions?” It’s hard to describe what intuition feels like because sometimes it doesn’t seem logical at all. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with outward appearances or logical reasoning based on what you’ve been taught. It is more about the energy you get from a person or situation. If I have a bad feeling about something or someone, I pay attention to it and act accordingly to get myself out of that situation as quickly as possible. Sometimes all you have is your intuition, so listen to it! It doesn’t matter it it makes sense or not, trust yourself.
9. Count on yourself
At the end of the day I always feel like I want to know that I can count on myself if nobody else steps up. Ask yourself what you need to do to feel confident that you can rely on yourself? For me this means that when I am out of my comfort zone I try to always be aware of my surroundings. I don’t get drunk and I almost always carry pepper spray and a pocket knife.
When you are traveling solo there might literally be nobody else watching your back, so keep your awareness (and that intuition) turned on. For example if you feel like you are in a dangerous area, keep that valuable camera you lugged across the world concealed. If you feel like someone is following you or looking at you weird, go into a shop or walk in a purposeful way. My sister used to have to commute through a dangerous area at night so she came up with a way to appear like a man by wearing a big baggy raincoat and walking with a masculine stride. It made her feel better!
If you’re going to carry self-defense weapons, ideally you should know how to use them and have them ready. A weapon is only as good as your skill at using it and if it’s going to work, it has to happen fast. If I am walking through a sketchy area alone at night, I often have the pepper spray in my hand, finger on the trigger. Luckily I have never had to use anything but it’s better to be ready.
Find out what makes you feel prepared and confident and do it. If that’s learning self-defense, sign up for a class before your next trip!
That’s all I have for now! The biggest message I want to get out is to encourage anyone who wants to travel solo to face any fears and get out there and do it! It’s been one of the most rewarding things I’ve done. If you’re still not convinced here’s a few words of wisdom from Albert Einstein:
“Be a loner. That gives you time to wonder, to search for the truth. Have holy curiosity. Make your life worth living“
In the end you usually don’t end up on your own anyway. The world is full of good kind people who will inspire you, help you and show you the way. Sometimes all you have to do is ask! I can’t count the number of times I’ve been humbled by people’s kindness and my trust in the good in humanity has been restored. So now get out and chase those dreams!